I like a lot of what is coming out of CCEF. Recently I listened to a podcast they did on the subject of depression and thought I would pass along some counsel they offered for people whose spouses suffer from depression.
First, God understands as deeply as we love our spouse, we can’t cure their depression. It is hard to watch someone we care about suffer, and we feel helpless in the face of it. But we can’t carry the burden of guilt for not curing them. We are not Jesus Christ.
Rather, God is calling us to something simpler but more important: to be faithful witnesses to his love. We can love our spouse in simple ways that communicate that they are not loved based on whether or not they are depressed. When they are loved freely by us they can see the free and unconditional love of God given even to those who are weak and wounded.
Second, we can communicate to our spouse that their struggle with depression is not sin. Often we communicate the opposite: if you were just trying harder/trusting more/being more faithful you wouldn’t have this struggle, so it is your fault. But depression can have many causes (environmental, metabolic, etc.) and often it comes from the inscrutable hand of a sovereign God and not as a result of sinful decisions.
Try this: instead of always praying for your spouse’s struggle with depression to go away, talk and pray with your spouse about what it looks like to love and trust God in the midst of depression. What does it look like honor God when we are depressed? How can we still love and serve other people? Invite our spouse to look outward at others with the gospel and not only inward at themselves. Depression does not keep them from having a fruitful life of service to their Lord.
Third, it is okay for you and your spouse to talk about their depression. In the effort to lift a spouse up and out of depression, don’t communicate that the subject is taboo. Give them freedom to talk and even groan by the Spirit over their sufferings. Certainly the psalmist understood what it was like to be in darkness (and to complain about it a little!).
Finally, pray for God to give you patience and faithfulness. God can change people overnight but that is not the general pattern of his love and working.
